By Brett Roer, Founder & CEO of Amplify & Elevate Innovation
I was talking with Dr. Donna Housman, a clinical psychologist who has spent more than 35 years studying how young children develop, on AmpED to 11 when she said: “Children develop in relationships. They don’t develop in the cloud.”
I spent sixteen years inside schools, and I’m a dad. When families ask me about young children and AI, the question usually arrives as a list of tools. Which apps are safe. Which platforms to restrict. What age is right for a device. I understand why it comes out that way, but the more useful question sits underneath it. Has this child developed the emotional skills to use a device well at all? Without those skills in place, AI risks becoming a substitute for a child’s own thinking instead of a tool that supports it.
Why Family Engagement in AI Education Starts with Emotional Intelligence
Donna frames this as a sequencing question, and she’s right. Emotional skills come first, then AI. Managing feelings, reading other people, solving problems, communicating. None of that is downloadable. It has to be built, in relationships, before AI gets layered on top.
The most important skill for the AI era, in her telling, is the ability to question what a device tells you. A child with a strong enough sense of self can push back on a wrong or incomplete answer instead of accepting it at face value. Relationships build that capacity, long before a child is old enough for a meaningful conversation with AI at all.
When a Device Supports a Young Child’s Curiosity
Families at our workshops often ask a version of the same question: should young children have a device at all? Donna’s answer looks somewhere most of us don’t. What matters is what the child brings to the screen, not their age or the clock.
A device is fine when it’s supporting curiosity. A young child wondering why the sky is blue or how a butterfly flies is asking exactly the kind of question a device can help answer. That kind of use extends a child’s natural exploration rather than replacing it.
The distinction she draws is not complicated:
- Curiosity questions (why, how, what makes this different) are a reasonable use for a device.
- Big feelings (frustration, anger, sadness, fear) call for a person instead.
When a Screen Can’t Do What a Person Can
When a child brings frustration, anger, sadness, or fear to a device, the device cannot give them what they need. Those feelings need to go to a person.
Children need what developmental researchers call serve and return. The child says something, an adult responds, and the exchange continues until the child works through what’s going on. A device can’t do this. Only a person can notice a child’s distress and respond in a way that helps the child work through it.
That gives families and educators a practical cue. When a child is bringing their emotions to a device instead of a person, that’s the moment for the adult to lean in.
The Case for Family Engagement in AI Education Before Kindergarten
Donna put it plainly on the episode. “It’s far easier to prevent than repair.”
This shows up well before kindergarten. A device is always available. It doesn’t get tired and it doesn’t push back. A struggling child turns to whatever offers the least resistance, and the adults around that child may not see it happening until the pattern is set.
Which is why I keep coming back to the adults. Districts and early learning systems get more from investing in the people who work with young children than from adding another layer of restrictions on devices. That foundation only gets built in person.
A Simple Way for Families and Educators to Think It Through
This is Donna’s insight put to work. What I add from my side of the table is how families and educators can act on it, day to day.
- Notice what the child is bringing to the device. A curiosity question is fine to explore with a screen. A big feeling is not.
- Lean in when emotion shows up. That is the adult’s cue to step in as the person the child actually needs.
- Build the underlying skills early. Emotional intelligence and self-regulation have to be taught and practiced.
- Aim for agency. A child confident enough to manage their own emotions can decide for themselves who to bring a problem to.
Families and educators who pay attention to what a child brings to the screen already have what they need to make good decisions about devices.
FAQ
How do you explain AI to parents of school children?
Start with what the device is being used for, not whether it’s allowed. A child using AI to explore a curiosity question is a reasonable use. A child turning to AI with frustration, sadness, or fear needs a person instead, since those feelings need a response only a relationship can give.
What are AI workshops for parents?
AI workshops for parents give families a practical way to understand how young children are already encountering AI and what role adults play in guiding that use. The focus is on recognizing when a child needs a person to step in rather than on banning tools.
Is AI safe for students?
AI is safe for curiosity-driven learning when a caring adult is involved, though it isn’t a substitute for the relationships children need when they’re struggling emotionally.
How do you engage parents and families in AI conversations?
Engagement starts with a distinction families can use right away. Curiosity is fine for a device. Big feelings call for a person. A rule this concrete is what makes the conversation usable at home.
Bringing This Conversation to Your Community
Every family and every classroom will make its own decisions about devices and AI. What I care about is the question a child is carrying when they reach for the screen. What are the children in your community bringing to theirs, and who is there when it’s a feeling and not a question?
Amplify & Elevate Innovation partners with school districts and communities on AI Workshops for Families & Students, along with AI Professional Development for the adults working with the youngest learners. We sit at the table with your community and help you build guidance that fits your context.
Ready to talk it through? Book a conversation.
